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It was only recently that my partner asked me what the difference was between a submissive and a slave… Until then I thought I really knew the answer but then I thought I should go and find out more information to help me explain how I see a submissive to be.
You see there is one guy who comes to see me and from the word go he has always told me that he is my slave and then I have another who is submissive to me. He will endure anything I do to him and more. Each session takes on a new look and feel and something else is tried on him – I push his limitations and his boundaries. He submits to me and allows me to play with him.
But my slave (I’ll call him Mike) is different. From day one he has always referred to himself as my slave. From that very first phone call he asked if he could be my slave and he calls me Mistress Marie.
We should stay focused here on submissives, so we’ll talk about my slave, Mike in another article and we’ll focus on Jeremy, my submissive and submissives in general for now.
If anyone is interested in being dominant or submissive then before you begin you should read lots of information on the subject, talk to other dominants and submissives. You will no doubt find a lot of different styles, techniques and ideas and always remember that you will never find one dominant or a submissive the same.
Being submissive means that you the submissive turn your power, control and body over to the dominant and in return the dominant takes on a role where he or she ensures that the relationship between both of you will keep growing and developing. Your role is to satisfy and please your Dom, Master or Mistress. It is interesting to note here that a submissive and his or her dominant will follow instructions and some training but only within the agreed limits and boundaries that have been set.
As a submissive you need to discuss with your Master or Mistress, how far the domination over you goes. This varies from couple to couple, every submissive and dominant is unique. So before you take on the role as a submissive, find out how far the dominant wants to go when controlling you. There are some dominants that wish or want to control every aspect of their submissive’s life. This may include; your contact with your family, friends and even your career and your recreational periods.
The ultimate goal of a submissive is to please their Master or Mistress as I said before… but at the same time, your Master or Mistress’ gets his or her pleasure through taking control and having power over a submissive.
My partner and I walked along the beach discussing what rights a submissive has. In fact one question that my partner asked was; what happens, if a submissive says no to her or his Master or Mistress? Interestingly it wasn’t until I started writing this article that that question really sunk in.
What does happen if a submissive says no?
To me, and remember this is my own opinion and it is not law… I believe that a submissive and dominant should discuss the limitations of the submissive. The submissive should know before hand how far he or she wants to be dominated and what is ok to do and what is not ok. In my opinion I believe that a submissive has a right to have a say in what will happen to them.
So to answer that question, just like the submissive should respect his or her Dom, the Dom should also show some respect to the submissive.
Submissives are special, they are prepared to give themselves to their Master or Mistress and if the Dom is not someone who believes that they are not the most righteous person on this earth then the submissive will respect them and offer themselves, their body and soul to their Master or Mistress.
Just like a Master or a Mistress is treated well, I’d like to think and I believe that all submissives be treated the same. I respect my submissive Jeremy and I trust him to trust me. He offered his body to me, to do as I pleased, I take him to places he has never been before and then some. We discuss where we want to go during our special time together and if at any stage I know he doesn’t like something I stop.
I never expect him to address me as Mistress Marie or even Lady Marie, a true Dom should never ever demand respect… they command it and for some reason I believe they earn it.
Always remember that submissives are true people, they have their own identity and they do have a voice, so listen to them and they will listen, respect and look to you for guidance. And remember that just like a real couple, both partners have to trust each other completely. Trust – trust to me is knowing, one’s limits, being honest to each other’s needs, communicating and sharing.
If that trust is not there, then just like a real partnership, a real couple it can almost be stopped dead in its tracks and it can fail. Most of us already know what happens or have heard of someone that has been in a relationship that has failed… it can mean, physical and emotional issues develop and that is not good.
Now not all submissives are into pain. However some limitations can be set with a Master or Mistress pushing those limits or boundaries to see how far you or other submissives can go. In each session I have with Jeremy I push the boundaries because even though he says he has no boundaries or limitations, I do not want to go too far with him, until I know he can appreciate and accept the pleasure and the pain that I am prepared to give.
I’ve written many words since I was asked that question – what happens if a submissive says no… well let me say that I honestly don’t believe a submissive should be punished if the Dom / Master / Mistress has pushed the boundaries or the limits too far and the submissive can not handle or accept the demand, the order or the request. However having said that, a submissive should be disciplined or punished if he or she does something wrong… failing to do that is a failure on the part of the Dom, Master or Mistress. A submissive should never be punished for something that is out of his or her control.
As the relationship between Dom and submissive grow and the limitations seem to be less, the punishment should also be less as time goes on… of course the challenge for the Dom is to train the submissive so that the punishment eventually is very rare.