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BDSM overview

Bondage, Domination, sadism & masochism

 

When I was asked to write articles about BDSM, mistresses, slaves and submissives, I first thought where, do I start. Writing about each individual part of the alternative lifestyles was just too hard to do before writing this article first. It gives me the opportunity to work my way through the different parts or sections of BDSM so that you as a reader can follow me as you go.

Where do I belong in the BDSM scene? Well many years ago I could never have been anything within it. I certainly wasn’t into pain and I was never one who could inflict any sort of pain on any one. Just over two years ago when I was writing various columns and articles for people I thought I’d travel down a path that I rarely ventured down. I began looking on the internet for sites that were bizarre and for sites that included dungeons.

Ok so some of you may not feel that that is a strange combination, but for me back then it was. You see I love it when I go looking for different things and in doing so sometimes it can bring back lots of memories. What I found was a fantasy world of dungeons and dragons; a game I remember my ex-brother-in-law playing once a week with five other guys. The mystery and the secrecy of what happened in that game had always baffled me…

However that wasn’t really what I was looking for. I was more interested in looking at the life of BDSM. A couple of friends that were heavily into the swinging scene and they participate in this form of sexual gratification. I’ll call these two people Sally and Sam due to privacy reasons…

Sally was very submissive and Sam was the dominant one of the two. To see them in action was often very mystifying. Quite often during their ‘sessions’ together Sally would go into a trance, into a world far away; she was so tied up in the pain that the pleasure she received from Sam’s whippings and the pain of her seduction was something beyond belief. I couldn’t comprehend what satisfaction she got out of being subjected to such pain.

I did learn however that you had to trust the person that they were submitting to and that they place themselves under the power of another in sexual context. Sally and Sam fell into the area of D&S – The submissive, Sally allows the dominant, Sam to use her body for his pleasure. They play an erotic power game where they both get off on the thrill of controlling and the other being controlled.

I remember when Sally and Sam performed their D&S for me in a photo shoot for a website that I ran. They arrived as a normal couple, laughing, joking but for some reason you could tell that Sam was already in control. When it was time he told Sally to prepare herself in her special outfit that he wanted to see her in and she didn’t hesitate when it came to the warming up session.

The sounds that came from the room were deafening and would have made anyone walking by cringe in disbelief… and all through it, not a sound was spoken as Sam dominated Sally.

Her cute bottom was a lovely shade of red, but not one cry escaped her lips at all. She was in a trance like state and yet Sam was able to move her into different positions. He shackled her hands and feet to strange and wonderful contraptions, almost as if she were hogtied but with her pussy open for him… Her bottom was exposed for more of his teasing and punishment that he was prepared to put her through.

Amidst the pain came the pleasure. Sam loved teasing Sally with his fingers, gently brushing her curly black pubes and occasionally slipping his finger between her velvety pussy lips… but not for long… He loved to tease and please her; after all it was the pleasure and the pain that Sally enjoy most. While Sam loved giving her as much pleasure and pain that she could stand.

It often took Sally a few moments to return to reality. Coming back from that trance often took a little time but when she did it was only in time for Sam to dominate her again by slipping his cock into her dripping pussy and demanding she ride him hard.

I was surprised to see how intent Sally was on bucking up to me her ‘Master’ and to please him as best as she could and more.

Back in 2002 I really wasn’t into BDSM so it was interesting to find lots of information on the net about it and it gave me a chance to think back to my friends. Sam was taught by another Master all the right ways to whip, paddle and inflict pain without causing serious injury to Sally. Sally was the submissive and was pleased to be there while Sam learnt the art for her pleasure.

While my friends go on to enjoy their pleasure and pain let me talk about other things involved when it comes to BDSM. Now that I have talked about the dominate and submissive (well I briefly covered it) lets look at other areas of BDSM.

“You have been a very naughty girl!” he declared… “I am going to have to tie you up and spank your bottom!”

This is B&D – bondage and discipline. Some people enjoy playing punishment games. Don’t you love it when your partner or Master or Mistress takes control when you’ve been naughty?

Many years ago I had a client who came to see me. I’ll call him Joe, for obvious reasons. He loved to be dominated and when he arrived to see me he would tell me about his week. If he had been bad at all he would always tell me. Now back then I really wasn’t into pain myself, but he needed to be punished for his wrong doings and he looked to me for that.

I did things a little differently back them. I let him set his own punishment. But first I would give him a choice of paddle or whip for me to use. Once that was decided the session began. I loved teasing him too, so I would run my hand over his ass where I had whipped or paddled him. For some reason he got great satisfaction from being punished and I enjoyed telling him off and punishing him for his wrong doings.

I began to wish he would be late for his appointment so I had another reason to punish him.

S&M – Sadism and Masochism; Whips, canes, nipple clamps and all the wonderful things that are designed to cause greater or lesser degrees of pain are used. Trust is a powerful decision you make when you submit to someone else who wants to hurt you. It is a powerful gesture, which you alone as the submissive can make and the dominant has to show that you can trust him/her. Pain is not really pain anymore in the game of S&M. When it is administered with true skill the dominant can bring the submissive to new heights of ecstasy that may never have been experienced before.

Knowing a few friends who are heavily into BDSM, they have always commented on a “Safe word”. With Joe he has a couple of “safewords” his first is “magic”. Now I know this is a strange word to use, but it works for both of us. Joe said he took himself into a world of fantasy, where there were merlins and dragons and magic. So this was his word… Magic is used when the session becomes a intense and he wants me to reduce the “pain” and his word for stop, I’ve had enough, this is too much now is “red” – as in red light, means stop….

Sally and Sam are into BDSM more so than my light B&D sessions with Peter… their words are: “Amber!” – meaning lighten up a bit, it’s just a bit too intense. From what they told me back then, they haven’t had to use their special words very often as Sally seems to be able to handle all most anything that Sam has planned for her. They too use “red!” for stop – had enough, want out now!

The pleasure and pain threshold is very different, as I said before Sally goes into a trance like state and the pleasure that she experiences, well she says that no words can describe the feelings…. With these two friends, it is true what they say – Pleasure and Pain, it’s all the same…

Sally and Sam both told me that sometimes people experience a session when they feel that they have had enough that the pain is just too intense, but continue on anyway… until they have had enough… they say that you have to trust the dominant in all aspects of this relationship, and if you have had enough then trust them not to be angry or hurt that you don’t want to proceed… At the same time if you are with a dominant you are unsure of and you are not comfortable with what is happening, for example they maybe paddling or whipping you too hard or it just doesn’t feel good anymore… then use your safeword… It means please stop now.

Safewords are taken seriously; they are a safety valve so use them when you feel that the time is right to do so…. Here comes that word trust again too – if your dominant partner doesn’t respect your safeword for what it is then it means that they won’t respect your limitations either. Personally after what Sally and Sam have told me about trusting people, if I came across someone who didn’t respect this all important word then I would lose the trust in him as a dominant…

I remember asking Sally the question of what happens if gags are used such as ball gags, and she said that she is always given a bright yellow hanky or piece of cloth – always bright yellow so that it can be seen. It is placed in her hand and if she becomes uncomfortable in anyway that she feels that the session needs to be stopped then she lets the hanky or cloth fall to the ground.

She told me that there was a time when she was being dominated and they were going to experience a new session with nipple clamps, she was laid across a table and then tied to it so she was almost in the star or cross position. Her hands and feet were bound to the legs of that table. Sam put in place the nipple clamps. With her open revealing her clit, he teased her to give her the pleasure and pain that she enjoyed.

It was at that moment of pleasure that Sam’s master came in the one that was training him, Sally trusted him she said and it was decided that he would perform the following whippings on Sally…

It was interesting listening to Sally telling the story but Sam popped up and said that you could see Sally go into her trance with the pleasure and pain with the Master whipping the insides of her legs where Sam had gently touched her earlier….

Something happened in those few seconds, Sally dropped her yellow hanky and immediately the session ended… the nipple clamps removed, she was untied and helped to her feet slowly…

The three of them sat down and discussed what had happened and even though she was enjoying the session, her body failed to enjoy that one session for a reason that Sally could not explain….

A following session of the same sort have gone ahead without any stopping, even down to a “wax” session.

As you can see this is an overview of BDSM. In fact it is not everything and I still haven’t really answered the question that was asked earlier. Where do I belong in the BDSM scene?

I am now a mistress who will perform light BDSM on men who come to see me but at the same time I have two slaves who encourage me to punish them severely. For one slave CBT (cock and ball torture) is often performed in our sessions together. But that is another article waiting to be written.

Until next time, be good and enjoy!